


The Three Deaths of Avery Sinclair

by Ishyko



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-20
Updated: 2010-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-13 21:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/141852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishyko/pseuds/Ishyko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dying isn't easy but sometimes it's totally worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Three Deaths of Avery Sinclair

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/gifts).



> This is set between Diplomatic Immunity and Cryoburn. I've taken a lot of liberties with this story and the timeline. Please forgive me if some items have slipped through the cracks. I really enjoyed writing this story and only wish I had more time. Written for Yuletide 2010.

#### EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO

The first time she saw him she was sure she was dead.

That was the only explanation her eight year old mind could come up with. She was dead and the beautiful teenaged boy leaning over her, a shock of dark hair falling into his anxious brown eyes, was an angel.

Mom and Dad were not going to be happy. If she was dead than surely she could have had the consideration to do it on her home planet of Illyrica rather than here on Barrayar regardless of how pretty it was. Dad was going to get all quiet and red in the face at having his dramatic delivery of the latest fleet of ships to Barrayar be upstaged by her demise. Mom would get incoherent, teary, and fluttery and her older sister would be peeved that this interrupted her chance to break the hearts of all these foreign boys.

Yes, her family would be quite put out at her death.

But no, if she were dead then she wouldn't feel the warm fingers of her angel gently touching her head, her arms, legs, checking to see if anything was broken. She wouldn't be struggling to breathe, oh goodness, if only she could catch her breath but she couldn't seem to inhale or exhale. Her eyes widened in panic and tears formed, spilling down her cheeks. Then suddenly-

Air!

She inhaled sharply, gasped, and coughed. The boy had his arm around her shoulders now helping her to sit up. "You'll be okay. Had the wind knocked out of you, I should think. Try and breathe slowly..." His voice was low, with a clipped, gutteral accent. Upper class Barrayaran, she thought.

Nodding her head, she didn't let her eyes leave his. She knew she'd done well when he gave her a smile. It was amazing really how that smile seemed to fill her up with happiness. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

"What ever were you doing up in that tree?" he asked as his fingers fluttered across the back of her skull checking for tenderness, his eyes still watching her face for any signs of pain.

A pitiful mewling caught his attention. They both looked up into the tree to see a small gray and white ball of fluff peering down at them, clinging to the tree's trunk.

"Ah."

"I couldn't just leave him up there! He was so scared and, well, I got most of the way down when I slipped..." Her indignant explanation had trailed away to an embarrassed mumble by the end.

"-And fell while he declined to join you. Not a gentleman at all, is he?"

She laughed and shook her head. Then the boy stood and helped her to her feet. A moment later he'd shimmied up the tree, rescued the kitten, and neatly hopped off the lowest limb. He made it look so easy.

"Here you go, m'lady," he said with a formal bow. She giggled and accepted the squirming bundle, burying her nose in the soft fur. "Keep him close."

"Oh, I will! Thank you!"

He grinned at her, lightly tugging on one of her curls. Sketching an airy salute he jogged away from her to join a group of friends on the lakeshore. The teenagers were chasing and teasing each other. One of them waved to the boy and called out.

"Ivan! You're just in time!"

The boy, Ivan, opened his arms expansively. "But of course!" She could imagine the grin on his face that she heard in his voice.

"Ivan.” She held the cat up close to her face and peered into his green eyes. "That's a nice name."

 

Later that night she dreamed the first of what would be many dreams about a tall boy with a smile that could light her soul. His dark hair would always look slightly unkempt so that she would have to stand on tip toe to brush it out of his fine dark eyes. Eyes that she would gaze into for hours and lose herself.

Ivan would hold her hand as they walked on the shore of the same lake where she’d met him. Sometimes he would tease and chase her. Other times they would dance. Maybe the waltz where she would be dressed in a beautiful flowing gown and he would twirl her under bright lights until she was so dizzy she would beg him to stop.

And always Ivan would be laughing and smiling at her.

Just her.

 

#### TEN YEARS AGO

The next time she sees him she dies of embarrassment.

Well, no one could actually die of embarrassment but at sixteen it felt like a viable option. She had been hiding out on one of the side outdoor verandas currently not in use for the embassy party, sketching instead of doing her homework, when he hopped the stone rail. Hands free, she noticed, since his hands were already occupied with a familiar red bottle and two champagne glasses. She jumped to her feet, clutching the sketchpad to her chest.

It was him! Ivan!

"Oh. Pardon me." He gave her a familiar half-bow and flashed an easy grin. "I didn't realize this space was occupied."

"Yes," she replied. Oh my. Her heart actually hurt. He was even better looking now than eight years ago. He had grown into manhood, his shoulders broader in his Barrayaran uniform, his flyaway locks were cut military short but it only emphasized his long lashes. His voice, it seemed even smoother, honeyed…experienced in things she didn’t know about.

She couldn’t stop looking into his eyes. It was better than worrying about her appearance and how very unappealing she must look wearing her old dark grey ships knits, her unruly brown hair pulled into an efficient ponytail hanging down her back.

Ivan waited for her to continue but she couldn't untangle her tongue to say anything intelligent. The boy – no, man – of her dreams was actually in front of her.

She was very afraid she might have sighed aloud.

He arched an eyebrow and the corner of his mouth turned up. "Yes. Well. Forgive my manners." He turned slightly and set the glasses and bottle on the railing before sweeping her a proper Barrayaran bow. "Lieutenant Lord Ivan Vorpatril, diplomatic lackey, at your service."

She smiled and loosened her death grip on the sketchpad. "Pleased to meet you. I’m Avery." She hesitated a moment. "Avery Sinclair." She waited for the inevitable change her family name brought on. Especially here at Illyrica's embassy on Earth. People seemed to shift and make her uncomfortable once they linked her to the Sinclair-Demetrios Shipyards.

Instead Ivan relaxed against the low railing and crossed his arms in front of him. He nodded at the sketchpad. "So what has you so enthralled that you're out here hiding instead of inside making nice with the rest of us diplomatic gallants?"

Music drifted out to them mingled with the low murmers and occasional laughter of the guests inside. They all seemed very far away to her. And even though he was meeting someone she never felt that he was anxious to be on his way. Avery willed these moments to go on forever. She was the focus of his attention.

A bunch of witticisms and never used flirtatious quips came to mind but instead she wordlessly turned the sketchpad and handed it to him. He studied it politely at first and then his brow furrowed in concentration as he began to scan through the virtual ship drawings and formulas.

She bit her lip, surprisingly anxious, wanting his approval. She didn't understand why she would show him this work so readily when she wouldn’t even show her parents and they were the ones who actually encouraged her designs. "What do you think?"

"I think they're...amazing," he said softly. "Really brilliant."

She beamed.

"This one here -" He moved to turn the pad but she walked over instead and leaned against the rail next to him so she could see. Even through the knits she could feel a bit of his body heat radiating against her arm. He smelled wonderful. If only she could bottle this scent and drown her pillow in it –

“-the lines here make me think of the ancient warboats of earth. Aircraft carriers."

She straightened and pulled her wandering thoughts back to the conversation.

"Exactly.” She reached across him to touch various point on the pad which zoomed in to she more detail onscreen. “I wanted to catch the flavor of that time when the carrier was king of the seas so I modeled it here and here."

"Of course." He quickly tapped the screen and another ship appeared. This one was much smaller, reminiscent of a sleek water craft, but was for zipping through local space. "This one looks fast."

"It is but I'm having trouble with the configuration. The dimensions won't work with the necklin-" she broke off as she watched Ivan using the stylus to tweak her mathematical formulas. A moment later the ship glided effortlessly through the simulation and didn't disintegrate upon entering the jump.

Instead of feeling gratified and pleased with his help she felt irritation. She'd been struggling for weeks with the math, had even engaged in loud obnoxious arguments with her father, the math whiz, about the soundness of her math theories but she was still unable to get it to work. She knew it was valid, it was on the tip of her brain but she hadn’t done it yet.

And Ivan fixed it like...like it was no big thing. As if she was just too young and stupid to figure it out when she knew that was not the case.

Ivan's pleased smiled began to fade as he saw her frown. "I'm sorry. I only meant to help."

"Of course," she replied stiffly. Suddenly she couldn’t bear to be in his presence any longer. "I have to go. May I have my sketchpad?"

Ivan hesitated and then handed it to her. "I didn't mean to offend you. Truly."

His sincerity only heightened her irrational anger. Anger at his superior math abilities, his swoon inducing good looks, his perfectly perfect and proper manners, the fact that he didn’t remember her –

The red bottle glinted and caught her eye, its name, “Ariel”, in great looping script scrawled across the label. Her temper flared higher.

-for being too young to truly capture this handsome soldier’s attention solely for herself and not out of his perfectly Vor-ish and duty-bound politeness, but most of all -

"Yes." She spun on her heel and began to walk away.

"Miss Sinclair. Avery."

She halted but didn't turn her head. "I'll make sure my sister knows where to find you."

"Beg pardon?" he asked in surprise at this non sequitor.

Now she did turn, and looked him in the eyes. "My sister. It's her favorite champagne from home. After all, it was named after her."

Ivan flushed in embarrassment at the direct hit but even that didn't raise her spirits.

Most of all she was irrationally angry that he never asked her to dance.

 

The next morning Avery walked into the dining room to join her family for breakfast. She was late and most of the family was nearly finished. Her mood had not improved and in fact had gone from righteous fury to brokenhearted once she was up in her room, sprawled across her bedspread and crying into her pillow.

She’d taken pains to hide the puffiness of her eyes but her mother’s sharp glance told her that she hadn’t succeeded. Avery gave her a big smile but her mother’s unspoken look told her they would discuss it later.

Helping herself to some eggs and bacon she decided she would make an effort to be her usual bright, cheery self. “So Mom. How was-“

Avery was interrupted by one of the embassy’s aides. “Excuse me. Morning deliveries.” He dropped off a stack of flimsies by her father, the ecru colored envelopes by her mother, and the bottle of Ariel champagne wrapped in a bright seagreen blue ribbon with a small card attached to it next to her sister. “This is for you Miss Ariel.”

Ariel eagerly opened the card but then frowned.

“Who’s it from dear?” her mother asked.

“Lieutenant Lord Vorpatril. How dare he send me this after –“ Ariel broke off.

The ribbon’s color caught Avery’s eye for two reasons. One, it clashed with the red bottle and two –

Her breath caught.

-It was the same shade as her own eyes. Not Ariel’s.

Ariel continued in a more casual tone. “No one Mom. Just that boy from the Barrayaran embassy. The aide. Trying to impress me no doubt. Just like all the others when they find out this is named for me.”

Avery’s mother’s eyes flicked to the bottle, to Ariel, back to the ribbon, and then locked onto Avery, one brow arching in question.

Avery felt positively rooted in place.

“Yes,” her mother said, still pinning her to the seat. Ariel was oblivious to this byplay. “How tiresome indeed.”

Ariel’s incensed reaction to the bottle finally sank in. There was no reason for her sister to be angry. Avery had left Ivan and his champagne on the veranda. She’d even found Ariel and told her where to find Ivan. Ariel had immediately left, a smirk on her lips and a glint in her eye. She had then gone up to her room for a good cry torturing herself with images of the two of them sipping champagne from each others lips. Her sister basking in the warmth of his smiles.

Apparently this was not the case for there sat the unopened bottle, silently shouting some sort of message, and Ariel’s pale throat was suffused with bright red – a sign of embarrassment.

Oh, thought Avery. Oh!

The unheard of had happened. Ivan had stood her sister up.

Avery’s heart swelled, as she struggled to contain her smile. Her mother cocked her head to the side but said nothing. Ariel took the invitations from her mother, flipping through them, and talked about the upcoming evening’s activities and her father continued to read shipyard reports.

Avery finished her meager breakfast plate and filled it with a second portion. Her mood had vastly improved.

 

Later that night when Avery moved the pillows to pull the covers back she found an envelope from her mother’s private correspondence. Inside the envelope was the seagreen blue ribbon, neatly folded, and the card that had accompanied it.

The card read – _Please forgive my manners. I didn’t mean to offend you._ It was signed, _Lt. Lord Ivan Vorpatril i.e. Diplomatic Lackey._

Oh! How perfectly dashing! She was sure it was the same bottle from the previous evening. How like him to send this sincere apology in such a roundabout manner. Nothing improper. Nothing a parent would get in arms about. Avery sighed with happiness and fell back on her bed, the ribbon and card clutched with possessive care.

He’d noticed the color of her eyes

Moms were positively scary in their perceptiveness.

 

#### THREE MONTHS AGO

The third time she saw him he brought her back from the dead.

Her chest hurt, the light was too bright, and she could not seem to keep a thought for long.

All she could do was reach up for him and whisper his name before succumbing to darkness.

"My God Ivan! You fly like you drive. You're going to kill me."

"Oh, lighten up, Mark!"

Mark gritted his teeth and clutched the armrests but refused to meet his imminent death at his cousin's hands with his eyes closed. So nothing prevented his full view of the orbital station spires and Ivan nearly clipping them before pulling up into a stomach churning series of spirals as he swooped between the rows of merchant containers stacked city-stories high.

"Please, not my investments."

Ivan chuckled before plunging them through Sergyar's atmosphere at a terrifying speed. Safe. Surely safe. Undoubtedly safe. The instrument panel *said* it was safe. But the instrument panel was also showing a silent blue light flashing frantically. Mark allowed that perhaps it was simply flashing and the frantic was from him. A little earlier that same blue light had had a frantic spaceport controller's voice nearly screaming at them until Ivan flicked it to mute.

No. The blue light seemed to flicker faster. In time with Mark's heartbeat.

The plunge abruptly became a smooth, slow flight as they cleared the atmosphere and flew over the ocean towards the shore where a wide fast flowing river was emptying.

"That's it," Ivan said quietly.

Mark looked out the wide viewport at this unheard of miracle. From the river to the mountains nearly 150 kilometers away was a vast untouched forest. Streams meandered through the trees and in the distance was the sparkle of a freshwater lake. Thousands of square kilometers of fertile land.

And all of it was Ivan's.

"You lucky bastard," Mark breathed.

"Not true. I have a plaque to prove it." Ivan grinned.

"What the hell are you going to do with it all?"

Ivan shrugged. "I'll think of something."

 

On the way back to Mark’s ship the blue light started flashing on the flyer’s console.

“Oh come on,” Mark muttered. “You haven’t even had a chance to pull anything.”

Ivan grinned as he flicked the toggle to hear what the space controller had to say. “Say again, Control? I was having some trouble –“

“-distress call from nowhere. The flight plan was not logged. You are the closest to this small craft. As the nearest authority –

Ivan glared at Mark’s snort of amusement.

“-military or otherwise we would like you to assess the situation while our recovery team heads out to your location.”

“Copy that. Render aid.”

“No! Do not board-“ the controller was cut off by another flick of Ivan’s fingers on the toggle.

Mark snickered. “How long do you think you can keep up this show of stupidity?”

Ivan flew towards the new coordinates. “What makes you think it’s for show?”

 

They pulled up slowly to the small spacecraft. It was drifting aimlessly with no answer to their hails. As Mark played the lights over the craft they saw no signs of scorching or other violence to indicate what might have happened to the craft.

"Hull's still bleeding off particles from-."

"What moron would make an intersystem jump?"

Mark shrugged. "Just telling you what the readouts say."

"What the hell is it doing out here?" Ivan muttered.

"One way to find out."

Ivan matched his ship's spin to the other and docked the hatch. "Seal's tight. Let's suit up."

 

Inside, the ship was eerily silent. The soft orange glow of the emergency lighting highlighted the corridor but much of it was still in darkness. They headed to the cockpit, Ivan with his stunner ready, Mark with Killer barely tethered within as they wondered what they would find inside.

Ivan mouthed *on three* and Mark nodded. When Ivan's count got to three Mark punched the door control and Ivan's stunner swept the room even as the stench of death spilled into the passageway.

"Clear," Ivan called as he lowered his weapon and entered the room. Mark followed and checked the dead pilot's neck for a pulse even though it was clear he was gone. Ivan called up the ship's records. Registry, flight log -

Whoa. That couldn't be right.

"Uh, Mark?"

"J - Johnny?" a woman's husky voice called weakly from the intership com.

Mark and Ivan twitched in surprise at the sound and then jumped through the hatch in search of the voice. They found her in the engine room amidst the smoke and sparking wires. She was slumped over a control panel calling the dead pilot's name over and over when she slid to the floor with a sickening thud.

 

Holy shit.

Ivan hadn't seen this much blood on a person since, well, ok, never. Seeing it on a woman was incredibly disconcerting. A woman this beautiful should be anywhere else but right here. The smears of blood across the pale ivory of her skin reminded him of Cetagandan face paint.

He dropped to his knees next to her, checking for a pulse even as he shouted "Medkit!" to Mark. His hands smoothed her hair back trying to find the source of the bleeding when she arched slightly, exhaled on a sigh, and went still.

Ivan searched for a pulse, found none. He started CPR. "Come on, sweetheart, come on," he muttered as he continued the chest compressions before pausing to breathe into her mouth. Where the hell did Mark go for that Medkit?

A few rounds later Ivan was rewarded with a sudden inhalation and a weak but steady heartbeat. "That's it," he muttered. "Slow and steady."

Her long lashes swept upwards to reveal the most startling blue eyes he'd ever seen. Blue-green really, like the sea on a bright summer day back home. Eyes he’d seen before.

His hand unconsciously moved towards his heart. Her hand fluttered weakly towards his face as a smile crept to her lips.

"Ivan," she sighed before closing her eyes and passing out.

"You've got to be shitting me," Mark drawled from the doorway, medkit in hand.

 

At first he had kept the scrap of ribbon because he had no where else to put it. He’d stuck it inside his inner coat pocket, the small one in the uniform designed for personal keepsakes, when he’d finished tying the artful bow on what he thought was a funny and clever note. Funny because Avery would surely get it. Clever because the recipient surely would not.

Later he carried it because, well, he wasn’t sure exactly why. A reminder of how inept he had been to crush a young girl’s enthusiasm? Especially as there had been no audience and thus no need to play the role of “Idiot Ivan”.

The years had dulled the ribbon’s vividness – years where he would unconsciously pull it out and rub it between his thumb and forefinger when he had some thinking to do. The crease became sharp from where it sat folded in the pocket above his heart. In fact he carried it for so long that he now he didn’t feel his uniform was complete unless the ribbon was tucked away within.

 

Ivan felt himself blush as if he were a teenager caught in a compromising position by his mother. Or worse, Aunt Cordelia. Because while his mother would undoubtedly be horrified Aunt Cordelia wouldn’t even be shocked, she would simply shake her head, mutter “Barrayarans”, and for some reason this was even more uncomfortable.

Mark walked in and kneeled down opposite Ivan and opened the medkit. “I am well aware of your reputation with the ladies but even this is well, shocking.” Mark’s tone implied it was anything but. He and Ivan jointly delved into the medkit’s contents and worked to patch her up so they could move her. “Either I was gone longer than I thought or you truly do have a woman in every port, planet, station, and now derelict ship. My God, the money I could make if I could bottle your stamina, your charisma, your-“

“Shut up Mark.” Ivan gently brushed a bloodied lock of hair from her face.

Mark snapped the medkit closed. “Come on Romeo. Let’s get her out of here.”

Ivan scooped her up, muttering under his breath ‘Romeo was an idiot’, and headed out the door first, carefully twisting his body so as not to cause her further injury.

Mark followed with a grin on his face.

Avery was peeved. Very, very peeved.

It had been an exhausting three months; physically, emotionally, and mentally. She was quite ready to get off this rollercoaster. Jump if she had to but not before she pushed someone off of it first. Correction – many someones.

The whole damn family, extended family, right up to the Imperial pain-in-her-butt as well. But not before she put her boot in Ivan’s ass first.

 

She had been stunned upon waking up in the medical wing of the Sergyar station. Ivan had been asleep in a visitor’s chair next to her bed so she knew she hadn’t halucinated him on her ship.

He had held her hand when he told her that they couldn’t help her pilot, Johnny. That he had already been dead when they found her. The autopsy had reported back an aneurism. Nothing she could have done but Avery knew that wasn’t true. She had been tweaking the engine configuration and had just turned on the adapter when Johnny had shouted at her in alarm over the ship’s intercom. Something about sensor readings going off the chart like a wormhole opening and then the next thing she knew she had been coming to and had found herself across the engine room, blood pouring into her eyes, as she tried to see through the smoke.

Ivan had stayed with her all through her recovery. He’d even surprised her one day with a datapad containing the ship’s readings so that she could try and figure out what had happened. She had eagerly taken the pad and pulled out the stylus, working silently for a few minutes while he watched. He turned to go when she called out without looking up.

“Ivan?”

“Yes?”

Avery continued scribbling. “I’m not 16 anymore.”

Ivan blinked at this non sequitor. “Er, okay.”

“I’ve grown a lot. Matured, I’d like to think.”

“Um, wha ?”

She looked up and patted the bed next to her hip. Ivan’s eyes narrowed as he lowered himself gingerly to the edge of the bed. Avery bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. She leaned close and lowered her voice to a throaty murmur.

“There’s something I’d like from you.” She laced the fingers of her right hand with his left.

Ivan looked panicked. She placed the datapad in his lap. “You figure it out. I’m taking a nap.” She yawned hugely and realized she really was tired. “I’m sure you’ll have it solved before I start snoring.”

And he did. Even with the inconvenience of working with one hand while the other was entwined with hers while she slept.

 

Ivan had stood protectively at her bedside when his uncle, Aral Vorkosigan, Viceory of Sergyar, had stopped off for a visit. A debriefing in actuality. She was no stranger to those as the corporate world’s hierarchy was truly no different than the military’s. She was currently classified although Ivan and his cousin Mark were on that need to know list.

“A jump to Illyrica,” Vorkosigan said. “A wonderful thing indeed. But let us not spread the word just yet, eh?” He had looked at her with a piercing gaze.

Avery sat up quickly. “But my parents-“

Ivan gave her shoulder a squeeze. “I had a priority message squirted through to Komarr while we were enroute to the station with you. I’m sure they know you’re ok by now.”

Vorkosigan had a thoughtful, pleased look on his countenance as he glanced at Ivan before nodding to her. “I only meant that we need to fully understand how it is you came to be here and –“

“-and if it can be duplicated safely,” Avery finished for him. “Not to mention what the implications of this new route will mean for both of our worlds. Lots of money which can be a good thing.”

“Lots of resentment as well,” Ivan added cheerily. “All those other consortiums and nexus points are not going to be happy to see an alternate route to ship delivery. All those transit fees gone.”

Avery closed her eyes and tiredly rubbed her temples. “Screw them. They’ve screwed over Barrayar long enough. About time the Empire made a bigger mark on the galaxy. It would be a lot harder to shut you out now.”

Ivan’s jaw dropped and he quickly shut it to glance at his uncle who returned his look with raised eyebrows of his own. Avery’s eyes snapped open in horror as she realized what she’d just said. “I beg your pardon, Viceroy! I shouldn’t have said that. I have a bad habit of speaking out loud.”

Vorkosigan tilted his head to the side. “It’s an astute assessment of the situation…and the reason I’m here.” He tapped the foot of the bed with his palm. “Get better, Miss Sinclair. I look forward to speaking with you soon.” He left the room and Ivan sat back down, resuming his lounging position, crossing a booted ankle atop the opposite knee.

Avery closed her eyes and sank back on her pillow. Goodness. Speaking out of turn to a Viceroy. Her mother had raised her better than that. And she had let on that she had researched Ivan’s world in a stalker-ish sort of way. Oh God. What must he think of her now?

She opened her eyes and stared across the bed. “God, Ivan. You make me stupid.”

He grinned. “You’re not the first to say it.”

She laughed.

 

And now she was on Barrayar at the Imperial Palace for Winterfair. It had been decided that this would be a grand time to announce the new Illyrica-Sergyar Jump to the galaxy at large now that all the passage grants, rights, and registrations were straightened out.

Her family was here as well as many other important families from Illyrica. The last week had been filled with various formal and informal functions, many times with dancing, and always with lots of alcohol and music.

During that week she had watched as every woman that had ever sighed over Captain Lord Ivan Vorpatril, did their best to try and capture his attention once more. It didn’t matter if they were married and in fact, Avery found, the married women were even _more_ obvious in their flirtation.

And Ivan, damn it all, would smile at them, make them laugh, twirl them on the dance floor, and basically be an impossible flirt. Like a knee-jerk reaction. He didn’t know how to behave any other way with a woman.

“You look like you could use this,” a voice said from beside her. She glanced over and then down to see Ivan’s cousin, Imperial Auditor Lord Miles Vorkosigan, gallantly handing her not a glass of champagne but a small shotglass of something infinitely more potent.

She took the glass and tossed back the contents, refusing to cough as it burned down her throat to settle into a small blaze in her belly. “Thank you.”

“It’s always been like that,” Miles said. “He can’t help himself.”

“What man could when you’re presented with an all you can eat buffet?”

Miles choked back a laugh at her sarcasm. “Indeed. Well, I suppose he could become more of a connoisseur but that would take effort and why do that when you can charm instead?”

Avery had the feeling that Miles was treading over well worn and painfully familiar territory. She was about to say something soothing and polite when he ruined it.

“Besides, it doesn’t take a lot of smarts to be charming.”

Avery turned and glared at him. “Perhaps. But it certainly takes a _bigger man_ to remain charming especially when those closest think so _little_ of him.” She spun on her heel and stalked along the edge of the dance floor until she reached the doors that led outside.

“Oh,” Miles breathed in wonder. _I like her. Can we keep her? Please?_

Ekaterin stepped next to her husband and linked her arm through his. “I’m impressed. She didn’t even turn green drinking that awful moonshine. Surely there’s a safer way to vet Ivan’s friend.”

Miles looked across the dance floor where he found his cousin’s eyes following Avery’s exit to the patio. _If you screw this up Ivan-_

Oh good. Ivan was going after her. He might not be such an idiot after all.

Well, perhaps that wasn’t the smartest thing he’d ever done.

Ivan raked a hand through his hair. No, he was quite sure it was one of the stupidest things he’d ever done. And he didn’t even have the excuse of telling himself it was for Miles’ own good. He’d been going along with Miles’ schemes his whole life because he knew if he didn’t then Miles would go off on his own and things would get infinitely worse. Like civilization might end, or planets would fall out of orbit, or possibly both.

Definitely stupid. What the hell had he been thinking? He hadn't been. The round of parties, all the excitement of the season, being around Avery and his family - he was restless and out of sorts. Flirting with those women was mindless and something he could do with practiced ease. It didn't require him to think about his growing need to have Avery near. He could then ignore how he wanted to punch any man that looked at her with an appeciative eye. If she needed appreciation well he had two perfectly good eyes and would be happy to do it. No, he definitely did not like this new, surly, _jealous_ side to himself

He found her stalking back towards the patio with a ground eating stride, her long gown billowing behind her. Impsec and the palace guards had undoubtedly told her the lawn was off limits to guests. He started to fall back on habit and lounge against the stone rail when he made himself take action.

He met her partway and without a word took her hand and led her off to the side where his favorite gazebo stood. She followed without comment, without hesitation, her hand soft and warm in his. They passed an impsec guard who grinned knowingly at Ivan. He just smirked back while the guard made a big show of turning his back.

He led her towards the gazebo but instead of going inside he pulled her around the back, ducked through a hidden narrow path between tall hedges until it opened up to another smaller, older, more charming gazebo. Everyone knew about the first place but only family was aware of this second place.

Once inside he dropped her hand but only so he could cup her face and whisper her name before pressing a soft, urgent kiss on her lips.

The moment his lips touched hers Ivan felt a jolt that rooted him to the spot. Her mouth opened immediately as she sighed into his. She clutched his shoulders as his hands slid down her back pulling her closer to momentarily stop on her hips, guiding her to him.

Her tongue teased his as her fingers twined in his hair. Ivan felt as if he were on fire. Branded by this beautiful, funny, and wickedly smart woman. Yeah he’d felt lust before but this was something completely new. She was pressing small frantic kisses along his jaw. She sucked on his earlobe and then bit on it lightly.

“Ivan,” she breathed in his ear. Oh, his name sounded so good coming from her. “You’re mine,” she whispered. “My Ivan.”

The fierceness in her voice caused his chest to constrict painfully. Joy and terror washed through him to settle into the warmth of completeness.

He had come home.

Was it a planetwide sort of stupidity, Avery wondered, or did it simply extend to the Vor class and those closest to Ivan?

Avery was sitting politely in the Emperor’s family sitting room. When Ivan had been summoned along with the rest of his family following the party he had simply taken her hand and pulled her along. She found that she was having a much harder time being separated from him once they had shared that kiss in the gazebo a few nights earlier.

The same held true for Ivan as he was never far from her side. The women now kept their distance whether it was from Ivan’s indifference, Avery’s fierce, and let’s be honest, quite smug smiles, or a combination of both.

Once the doors had shut, Emperor Gregor had given a small wave and everyone had simply shifted and become more relaxed. She marveled at how candid these people were in the presence of their Emperor and Empress but she supposed it made sense considering that the Viceroy and Vicereine were basically his parents. Ivan and Miles were his brothers and Mark was a long lost brother happily found.

The Koudelka extended family was also there but it was Ivan’s mother and her husband, the former head of Impsec, Simon Illyan, that had her attention. Apparently Lady Alys, like her son, was the same in public as well as private.

No, Ivan did have different personas. A public one, a family one, and the one she’s always seen. Which brought her back to the reason she was so irritated with these people.

She sat and felt her polite smile slowly being stretched to its limit as one person after another passed family stories that were meant to entertain her but instead did nothing but stoke her anger. Ivan’s reassuring squeeze on her shoulder did nothing to alleviate this.

Eventually Avery had had enough. “Do all of you think he’s stupid?”

“Oh no,” Lady Alys murmured. “I’ve never believed that.”

Ivan eyed her warily and she gifted him with a very direct gaze. Not her usual one of exasperation and motherly concern but one that pierced him to his core. Ivan was vaguely aware that the whole room had gone silent and that he was holding his breath.

“A mother knows her child,” Lady Alys continued, her gaze never wavering. “She knows when she watches her son become smaller inside because he’s so full of love for his family that he would do anything rather than watch them get hurt. How that same love allows him to endure the teasing with a smile even as her own heart is breaking because she knows.”

Ivan was as pale and as still as a garden statue as his mother walked towards him and cupped his cheek in her hand. “A good mother would have known that her son was astute enough to understand how he would be used to hurt others and that he would be brave enough to take action on his own to the best of his ability.”

Ivan’s throat was choked with tears. He reached up and gently brushed away the tears falling on his mother’s cheeks. “I am so proud of you Ivan. I have always been proud of you.”

Ivan grabbed her in a tight hug and buried his face in her neck. “I love you Mom.”

Lady Alys cupped the back of her tall son’s head and returned the hug. “I love you, my brave and wonderful son.”

A choked off sniffle from behind them broke them apart and everyone started laughing.

“Well blast,” Miles muttered. “Do you mean to tell me that behind all that ineptness you were actually being savvy?” Ivan shrugged. “And your obsession with every pretty girl that walked by was a cover?”

Ivan grinned. “Hey now, some things are real.”

As the room again devolved into assessing Ivan’s every unthinking act in the past with this new perspective the teasing didn’t let up. Avery found that her sense of humor did not extend to allowing Ivan to be mocked. Especially by his family.

Her outrage returned with a vengeance. “Just stop,” she said softly, then louder. “Please stop.”

The laughter only got louder. Avery jumped to her feet. “Stop!” she shouted.

All noise ceased.

"This- this is unacceptable!” She turned to Ivan and glared at him. “Apparently you’re too nice and won’t stand up for yourself. Well I’m fixing that right now. Marry me.”

Ivan didn’t have to practice his blank look. It was real. He reverted to humor. He spoke in a faint whisper. “This is all so sudden.”

Avery would not be deterred. “Marry me and be yourself. Flirt if you want, spend all day working math theories, rescue kittens, I don’t care. I love you.”

Ivan’s smile slowly slipped and he frowned. “No,” he said softly.

Avery’s face drained of color and her confident stance froze in embarrassment. “Oh.” It was barely audible.

Ivan took her hands in his and looked into her eyes. “I won’t marry you so I can be myself. However let’s do this right and proper.”

Without releasing her hand, before his very stunned and happy family, he went to one knee, and with eloquence, charm, and humor, asked Avery Sinclair to marry him.

 

ONE YEAR LATER

Avery snuggled close to her husband and sighed with contentment. “That was a nice party. I like this Winterfair thing.”

Ivan kissed the top of her head. “I’m glad.”

“Was it worth it to rub Miles’ nose in the fact that we’re having triplets?”

“Oh yes. He’s always trying to outdo everyone so this time it was my turn.”

“And you didn’t notice how smug he got when the conversation drifted to the difficulties we’ll have with getting any sleep with three kids rather than two?”

Ivan shrugged and said nothing. Avery sat up and punched him lightly in the shoulder. “You’re still doing it!”

Ivan laughed. “It makes him feel good. A nice Winterfair gift. Speaking of which I have one for you.”

He pulled out a small datapad and called up what looked to be a map of what was now known as the Vorpatril District on Sergyar. With the Sergyar-Illyrican jump the growth in that sector had been astronomical, the need for a larger space station and the massive workforce to build it a happy result. MPV Industries was a big player from the ground up. Ivan was making a tidy profit from leasing a portion of his land to various companies that were involved.

“Look.”

Avery took the datapad and looked at the blueprints for the new capital city.

The city of Avery.

“Gregor told me today that it was official. What do you think?” Ivan looked so eager and pleased with his gift.

“You named your capital for me?”

Ivan gathered her close and kissed her slowly, deeply. “You are the center of my world and the light of my heart. How could I not name the center of my district for you?”

“My gift seems so small –“

“No. I have you and that’s the best Winterfair gift ever.”


End file.
